The Wacky World of Dating Sites

Sooner or later each of us who does not have a significant other goes out on the trail armed with our crappy photo and lame self-descriptions and awkward smile in search of our prey: AN EXCITING MATE!

Who'd have thunk it? It ain't easy.

Not easy, why? You ask.

It is easy enough to meet people. It is easy enough to sort of end up with them.  But, that is a DEFAULT SETTING and not a fun lifestyle decision.

You want to meet the BEST living example of the perfect person for yourself!

So...

You put up your Billboard advertising your ugly puss as the best thing since the disposable diaper.

Then, the e-mails start coming in like Florida Dade County votes in the Gore/Bush presidential election.

They are out there! And they WANT YOU!!

Tall ones.

Short ones.

Lumpy ones.

Extravagantly boobyfied ones.

Tattooed and bejeweled ones.

Tiny dark and blurred photos.  Glamour puss photos. Horror stills. Madison avenue shrill ones.

What's a poor lad to do?

Well, I talk to them on the phone. I make them laugh. I go out and MEET them.

Simple, right?

Noooooooooo.

They don't look like their photo. Why? The damned photo was taken in 2009!  Forty pounds ago. Ninety wrinkles ago!

You see, I'm in a....ummm....delicate...age group!

I'm MAN seeks WOMAN in the 55-66 age group!

Talking about a used car lot full of dents and dings.....well, WELCOME to my world!

These ladies are all very nice, pleasant, normal-ish, and......NOT what I'm looking for.

I'm sure, on some level, they know I'm not their steaming cup o' Rhubarb Tea either.

So, armed with my iPhone and a bathroom mirror, I launch my glamour puss photo on Plenty of Fish (free dating site) and

continue to catch and release...catch and release...catch and release!

This thread made me LOL. But really, if you haven't got the 'need to breed' you are just a tire-kicker....

Damn Terry!  You're such a good looking guy, no wonder you're getting a lot of play. *nods head*

I'm MAN seeks WOMAN in the 35-45 age group.  Plenty of dents and dings in that category too.

Typical intro lines of woman-seeking-man ads on POF:  "Tired of Losers!"  or, "Tired of Players!" or, "Where are the nice guys?" Cracks me up.  Get real - you're on a free dating website, you're in your 30s/40s/50s with a string of unsuccessful relationships behind you, but it's always our fault, lol.

Terry, did you mention that you like to go for long walks on the beach?

Truth in Advertising:  I like to go for long wheelchair rides on the ramp next to the beach.

                                 Pleasant obsessive-compulsive personality kept in check by Meds.

                                 Few extra pounds added since my last binge, but, a great smile!

                                 Looking for the last man in my life. Due to my cooking.

But do they like Pina Coladas?

I did eHarmony but was disappointed that they did not screen for education. Perhaps five men were in the rough ball park. I don't know why the others called me. eHarmony does no magic psychological screening. The price screens out many peoplel considered losers. I found it a bit depressing but men assured me it was tons better than free sites.

One thing was clear. The men had crappy photos. Perhaps taken at a casual birthday party. Often, their face was not the focus on the photo. Women, on the other hand, seemed to have a prof'l take their photos. When I read the descriptions, most men wrote nonsense from a Hallmark card. A Hallmark card isn't very sincere or manly. Walks on the beach. What if you live in Idaho? It is such a trite description of what women wanted back in the 40s and 50s. I don't want to walk anyplace with a stranger. Your passions and life philosophy might make me change my mind. Your favorite books would reveal a lot to me. Many of the men don't even seem to be making an effort.

On the other hand, the women were overly prepared and canned. Their essays/statements sounded as though a ghost writer wrote them. They were profound, pithy, and  not real to me. Of course, not every man or woman broke down into these categories. I saw a general pattern, though. 

I'm signing up for Ivy League and eHarmony next month to make another foray. Terry, without the internet, where would people our age find members of the opposite sex still wanting to live a full and balance life. Church was my favorite dating venue. Any serial rapist/killer can join a church for victims but everyplace I went in Manhattan, women assured me it was the safest place with the nicest male. I did find dates and good male friends in Manhattan churches. Now that I live in exile in the exurbs, the dating pool is nill. The nearest city,PHilly, is a two hour commute each way. Manhattan takes three hours but frankly, I'd rather spend the extra hour and be in a vibrant place.

I find internet dating a challenge. Terry,, may I ask if you have a general description to drag in more hits or a more detailed one. A former Catholic Sister of Charity, very naive (the nuns dumped her heartlessly b/c she did not develop So. Bronx street smarts in a few days) did Catholic internet dating. If a Sister of Charity can find the nerve, so can I! She started with a general description. The two hour commutes were wearing her down so she rewrote her profile in excruciating detail. Of course, she had fewer  hits but the hits were golden.

If you would be so kind to share methods with someone who is afraid, do you date every contact? My experience was that men gave me hour long elevator speeches. I wanted to taze them to insert a few words. They were prob. very nervous and doing the manly thing by selling themselves. I feel a conversation should be more participatory for both parties. I ended up resentiing them. Yet I also feel they were very nice guys. Is there anything polite to say to break this pattern. Mind you, I don't know quite what to say. Just listening is an easy way out until I get fed up.

When a date does not work out, do you feel sad? Or, do you praise yourself for being in the game and go on to the next? When I was younger,I joined private professional clubs with a great deal of dating. Somehow I never thought they would work out but I felt I was doing my duty. Living where I do now I feel such a loser. I wholeheartedly want to get back in the game of life. LIncoln Center may be three hours away. Three hours is better than 13 hours. 

Cities are wonderful. Sorry if this is disjointed. It was a stream of consciousness production.

I've tried online dating before, both the free site like POF and E-harmony. POF is just funny, you'll find tons of generic profiles like the one's just mentioned aboved. My favorite one is where they go out the way to tell you that they're not the kind of person to usually go on online dating sites, LOL. 

E-Harmony has a better system, and I actually met some nice women there. But, I wasn't willing to pay anything after my introductary period was over.  

Now I got a new approach to finding dates in the real world, and it works... well, not all the time, but I'm getting better at it. Lol

BOTR - maybe you should put up your picture here on this thread.

Terry already did...

Good point about photo. I have to take it myself. Imploring friends to help did not bring one person to life my camera. I need it for LinkedIn and Facebook for professional reasons. I don't care so much about how someone looks in LinkedIn. People are mostly attractive in a spectrum. Very few are very attractive or ugly. I react to styling. Current haircuts, makeup, a certain type of clothing. I notice that my lack of photo and others who did not post seems sloppy, as though I don't care enough. It is easier for me to relate to people with photos.

My lack of self-esteem has kept me from completing the task. I am considering having a professional take a series. When I was a teenager/young adult, I felt that I looked so ugly that no one would want me. I had a beautiful old fashioned mirror on my closet door which I covered up with Beatles and Stones posters. Glancing at my reflection in store windows caused a meltdown. Family and friends photo from that period still exist. I was beautiful. Naturally beautiful! So now I don't know if I am pulling the same crap, distorting reality in conformance with my JW uprbringing or whether I am so bad.

I am not as golden looking as in my youth. C'est la vie.

Anway, I am resolving here to have my photo up within a few weeks. I also need to start using the webcam on my Skype. It helps me seeing the other person and I don't expect a modeling agency. Rather than modesty about my looks, it is turning people off. I can't just a professional situation. No, I cannot talk with the client. I did my own makeup and hair this am.

Terry, Your photo does look awesome. It looks very different from your avatar which is nice. You have stiffened by backbone. As I feel awkward, I am going to say "Terry does it. He has courage. Find a backbone." I should thank the heavens for internet dating. 

When you take a picture, make sure you are holding today's news paper in your hand. That way you can prove the newness of the picture.

When you take a picture, make sure you are holding today's news paper in your hand. That way you can prove the newness of the picture.

But - but - that's what they do when the kidnappers send pictures of the kinapped kids for ransom....???

I LOL'ed, Terry...but it's so true. I tried the dating sites...hell, I even tried Craigslist! Your pic is actually really nice...and very honest. You're putting your best face forward, but you aren't being dishonest about who you are. 

I had one guy who seemed young and nice. His pic was okay (he wasn't a knockout or anything), and I decided after speaking to him a bit that I would meet him. OH. MY. Goodness. About 100 pounds heavier than he led me to believe (which isn't an issue in itself, I like big guys), WRINKLES...I'm not talking a few laugh lines and some crow's feet, I'm talking "ridden hard and put away wet too many times" WRINKLES. He told me he was 31. He looked 51. He took off his ball cap, and that was the end of the game...balding...badly. I'm not opposed to balding men (my bf is receding, so he Bic's his head and I love it!). I'm opposed to balding, very fat, wrinkly men who are CLEARLY in their 50's telling me they are 31. Honestly, I may have been able to look past this guy's outward looks and get to know him if he hadn't lied to me. Look, if you think you like me and that I might like you, BE HONEST. All you're doing is setting yourself up for massive failure when I figure out quickly that you've been lying like the rug you should be wearing on your head...Just saying...

I've had some okay experiences with online dating, and some horrible ones (ex husband...JW dating site...what a friggin' joke). I met my bf online, but it wasn't a dating site. We were just talking on message forums and started talking in private, became friends, exchanged phone numbers, started texting and talking every day, and here I am...living with him and almost 9 weeks pregnant. So it CAN happen, but sometimes it's when you least expect it.

Also...don't be afraid to look outside your "comfort zone" area-wise. Long distance can be tough, but it can work. I never thought I'd move across the country for a man. But here I am. So you just never know.

I met my wife in line at a supermarket. I asked her what she cooked with parsnips. 

The rest is, as they say, history? 

Did you try JWMatch.......explain that you are inactive at the present time but you still have a deep love for the Watchtower and

the brotherhood and for sure you'll get hundreds of emails from desperate sisters.

I'm sorry.... but you are so iPhone 3.  It'll never work...

If you would be so kind to share methods with someone who is afraid, do you date every contact? My experience was that men gave me hour long elevator speeches. I wanted to taze them to insert a few words. They were prob. very nervous and doing the manly thing by selling themselves. I feel a conversation should be more participatory for both parties. I ended up resentiing them. Yet I also feel they were very nice guys. Is there anything polite to say to break this pattern. Mind you, I don't know quite what to say. Just listening is an easy way out until I get fed up.

When a date does not work out, do you feel sad? Or, do you praise yourself for being in the game and go on to the next? When I was younger,I joined private professional clubs with a great deal of dating.

For what my two cents is worth (inflation adjusted)....

People who are FUN make life fun for others.

People who smile look friendly.

Personality, to me, is being playful and curious.

State up front: I'm funny and you should be funny too. (No, not funny looking!)

Say something such as: "I don't care what kind of car you drive or how much money you make. I care if you love your kids, listen when others talk and are able to admit when you're wrong."

When I see Profiles that say: "I love to take Cruises, go jet-skiing, visit great restaurants, etc" It translates into: "I'm a Princess; get out your wallet."

Say simply: I'm normal. I'm looking for normal.  Be able to let go and not take over. Take it slow. Take it easy.

I don't know about you, but, I want somebody I look forward to spending time with because they bring out MY BEST qualities. They encourage my respect, manners, generosity and sense of humor because they show it in every word and gesture naturally.

Stiff, serious, interrogators with a "show me" attitude can wait for the next time--I'm outta there.

My attitude is: Just try and have fun. If you don't have some sort of "connection" you don't and that's just life!

It is a kind of benign numbers game.  The more times you try the better your chances are and the greater your skillset.

I've gone out 4 times in one week and I have one good prospect that actually makes me happy when I see an e-mail in the morning wishing me a happy day.  Awwww shucks.

Awwwwww, that's really sweet.