Encouraging sigleness

The churches that I have gone to so far have not even mentioned singleness, Watchtower Society is about the only one I can think of, I do see the benefits of being single, even on $10 an hour I am able to support myself, on the flip side this is off topic somewhat, the very first time I got disfellowshipped I had a girlfriend outside the society, she wanted to meet my parents, but my parents told me they would call the police if I brought her over, how stupid is that, I could have wound up married but the JW religion complicates everything, now that I am considered apostate by family if I ever did meet a girl I would not be able to introduce her to my parents.

i agree with serenitynow ...  one thing is to wait the right person / moment to intimate with someone, but at some point is plain tragic!!

andys:  I know a brother who was a close friend, he had some deep emotional issues, and when he finally found a nice worldly girl who understood what he was going through his family made him break up with she ... the poor guy is still suffering a lot

Actually, that's one thing I appreciate.  Before the WT, I never even considered the possiblity of being single.  I do better that way.  However MY single means a boyfriend I can send home. LOL  They can take their moral code and shove it.

NC

I love your singleness newchapter :)

Their pushing of singleness is disgusting. It's especially bad for the women in the cult. After a certain age, virginity goes from being nice and noble, to being just plain tragic.

I could not agree more. I lost my best young and fertile years to pioneering (more than a decade).  Right now, I'm going for mine on all levels. My saving grace was going to university right after high school and starting a career which I held on to while pioneering although I was the object of much ridicule. However, I do not regret the time spent overseas but wish that I done it for the Peace Corps or some other worthy organization.

So true that if you decide to get married it is made to look like you gave in to some type of weakness.  While I agree that you need time in early adulthood to figure out who you are, the JW view of singleness is not natural. I know male and female virgins in their 30s, 40s and 50s and they are put on a pedestal because of holding on to their gift of singleness. Whatever! Most of these folks are miserable and carry the guilt from their "secret sin" of "loving themselves". It really is just plain tragic.

A therapist said it best, "You need to exhale and embrace the natural cycles of life."

i feel you shopaholic ........... and i like a lot the therapist saying ... one thing is try to know yourself while early 20 s and another is to be virgin at 50 ...

This reminds me of a particular talk on staying single which sticks out in my mind as being one of the most irresponsible and shocking talks I have ever heard. I think it was at the 1969 International Assembly at Wembley but can't be certain. 

The speaker said that brothers and sisters who found it impossible to remain single were wasting valuable time searching for a suitable marriage partner which was interfering with their worship and pioneering.  There was only ONE requirement for a JW and that was to find another JW who was as spiritually minded as yourself. Nothing else mattered.  You will automatically be compatable by your mutual love of the 'Truth'. Then just get married and pioneer together, maybe even become missionaries serving where the need was greatest.

He made no mention of love or even being remotely physically attracted to each other, let alone a courtship. No, if you really can't stay single then just marry anyone, as long as they are strong in the 'Truth' It seemed to me that all the Society was concerned about was marrying you off to the nearest single brother or sister to prevent you from committing fornication.

I was appalled and felt quite sick. There was one single brother who made it obvious he fancied me but he gave me the creeps and the thought of being married off to him filled me with horror.  He must have been rubbing his hands together with glee listening to that talk! Fortunately, I found someone else who was lovely. We fell in love and are still together today, free from the Borg and its influences thank goodness!!!

How many disastrous marriages took place as a result of that totally irresponsible talk I wonder

I think the Watchtower's antipathy towards marriage started with Russell's divorce, and was reinforced by that drunken buffoon, Rutherford, who totally ignored his wife and child in favor of a mistress - or mistresses - and a long line of whores - er, "ladies of easy morals"...

Rutherford was well-known to have hated the institution of marriage...

And after he set the tone, the consecutive imbeciles in charge just carried on the tradition, reassuring themselves that "singleness" [or should that be, "sigleness"?  - teasing!!] is "Christian", because it keeps people focused on doing "Jehovah's" will...

Or so thoroughly miserable that they can't think clearly enough to get the hell out of the cult...

Zid

(1 Timothy 4:1-3) 4 However, the inspired utterance says definitely that in later periods of time some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to misleading inspired utterances and teachings of demons, 2 by the hypocrisy of men who speak lies, marked in their conscience as with a branding iron; 3 forbidding to marry, commanding to abstain from foods which God created to be partaken of with thanksgiving by those who have faith and accurately know the truth. . .

Before I even woke up as a JW I remember readiing this and asking my husband if the WT was guilty of breaking this command. Even though they don't forbid it they heavily encourage youths to remain single & childless. To me it seemed like a modified version of Catholic celibacy.

Promoting singleness is probably the only good advice they give.

Dudu:

Of course it is an unhealthy teaching.  But what really makes me laugh is how the JWs would knock the Catholic religion with their priestly celibacy and say something about a scripture where there is "forbidding to marry...."  and then say that THEY don't forbid marriage.  Typical hypocrisy.  I would have to say that in a round-about sort of way the JWs do try to forbid marriage.  Has anybody ever witnessed the panel of judgmental people heaping criticism on some poor couple in the hall because the "in crowd" does not approve of the match??? And, I am not talking about a 16 year old girl and a 17 year old boy.  I am referring to mature adults who are getting married. 

The religion has an unhealthy history on the topic of marriage.  In old bethel days the brothers were urged to remain single and if I am not mistaken, they needed "permission" or some such thing or were severely criticized.  Of course, this ended at some point when one of the top guys would not heed this. 

Nowadays, the story is a little different but for different reasons.  (1) They don't want people marrying out of the religion because they are afraid the JW partner will leave the religion, (2) they might hope that a single person will leave their assets to the religion because they have no heirs and (3) they especially don't want single sisters to marry out of the religion because then they know they cannot bother her to do favors for all the users.

As a kid I always wondered how come we slammed the Catholic Church so much yet we were doing the same thing right?

LITS

I took their advice on singleness and divorced my hardcore JW wife. Never been happier.

Note that "single" should in no way be taken to mean "not having sex".

Ziddina, I think you hit on something. "

I think the Watchtower's antipathy towards marriage started with Russell's divorce, and was reinforced by that drunken buffoon, Rutherford, who totally ignored his wife and child in favor of a mistress - or mistresses - and a long line of whores - er, "ladies of easy morals"...

Rutherford was well-known to have hated the institution of marriage..

I had some long conversations with Elderly Jehovah's Witnesses about the 30s, Rutherford, Franz, and Bethel. They refered to a lot of the Bethel brothers as "women haters". One old Bethel Elder said NPGs (non practicing/vs practicing gays) were not uncommon in the 40s. I took this with a LARGE grain of salt untill I served at Bethel. Some of the old-timmers of COURSE had the "GIFT" of singleness...they were gay. Chitty (Governing Body) was very "Light in the loafers"and when alone would asked Bethelites to rub suntan oil on him while sunning on the roof. Fred Franz held his "Bible Discussions" in the sauna with wide eyed young Bethelites. One morning at breakfast over 30 Bethelites were disfellowshiped for homosexuality and massage parties. If marriage isn't your "calling" NYC Bethel has been a great place to live and deal with internal struggles and penance for over 100years. The "Village" was a short subway ride away...and you were hundreds of miles away from meddling JWs and whispers in your mid-western hometown. If you were skilled at writting and stayed long enough...you might just end up writting those articles on the "Gift of singleness".....

JESUS called it right.."forbidding to marry"........

My 2 cents...

My parents were severely ostracized for marrying in the late 1940s. Time was short. He left Bethel for marriage -- totally unthinkable until Nathan Knorr found a woman-then marriage was heavenly.

I was confused being born-in. My neighborhood of Italian-Americans cherished marriage and family. Altho it was a honor to have a priest or nun in the family, the pargon of virtue was the Virgin Mary. Every TV show I watched had married people. Growing up a Witness, you receive nothing but conflicting messages. My father felt chained by marriage. Bethel taught hatred of women, esp. under Rutherford. I hated marriage for a long time b/c I saw it meant complete servitude to a man's whims. My merit would count for nothing. I hated being with women in female ghettos b/c I wanted a piece of male respect. It annoyed me even after I left. My college was the breeding prep designed to serve elite, powerful white men. They had Founders of America - we had teachers. They served as president of the United States -- we served interesting banter at cocktail parties. Fortunately, the times changed quickly.

I don't think the total lack of brothers available for marriage is a side issue. It defines the culture and doctrine so much. These men are not trained to value or romance women. I never had a JW male open a door for me or offer me a seat. Little things that people use to show appreciation for each other were lacking. All you have to do is the vast oceans of women with an occasional male strewn in to know the score. Marriage only for the lucky.

oh yea I remember what was stated at the paltform about singleness. There were four of us studies all about 23. We constantly heard about staying single as we approached baptism. However the sisters had a different idea and we all married within the next year after baptism. I had girlfriends most of my life, so no way I was going to be single for long. I would have married sooner, except right after I was baptized, an article came out about picking a marraige mate. It mentioned waiting a year after baptism. I don't regret getting married, just the person I married.